Okay, well this is just going to be a quick blurb because I have to finish getting ready for class, but I felt like writing about my experience.
I decided last night that I need to go grocery shopping after class today. I looked at my list as I added some stuff to it and estimated groceries would probably cost around $40. I sighed and decided it's okay because, God willing, I'll be working soon.
This morning, I felt a smile and perhaps a little wink from God.
I checked my email and there was a message from Bank of America. Oh boy. Then I looked and it was titled "Direct Deposit Credited to You Account."
What?
I wasn't expecting any money.
UNF randomly deposited $40 into my account last night.
:)
God is good.
(Unnecessary part of the story, to me, is that I investigated why I received the money and it said "educational overpayment", which I assume means they paid out more than they needed to last semester and this is the rest of my refund.)
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Challenge or Blessing?
I spoke in a previous entry about how every day has its quirks, but at the end of the day the good usually outweighs the bad.
Well, this past week has been one for the books. The quirks were actually a few little things while the bulk was just... unkind. And just when I thought it was getting a little better, life slapped me in the face.
Last year, Dad had his (second) open heart surgery. Didn't work for the better part of a year. He had to cash in his life insurance and Mom had to work summer school just to pay the bills. However, in the eyesight of a twisted system, we somehow miraculously had a substantially higher income and the school decided I am no longer in need of assistance and put me at the bottom of the list for grants and scholarships. They have cut my funding/financial aid next year by over $6,500, which I'll have to somehow come up with just to attend UNF next year. Mind you, this does not include the price of gas, food, parking permit, or any other random surprises life likes to throw my way.
Yep.
I will be working a lot this summer, or trying to, as well as looking for a job for next year while I write my honors thesis, conduct experiments, and continue to attempt being a straight-A student. T'will be fun.
And a challenge for sure.
Needless to say, this has brought me down the past few days. No, I don't doubt God will provide if my being here is His will. He's a faithful god. It has just left me feeling a little empty and with a serious lack of energy or care. Nothing seems to have much meaning, at least not enough to provoke any strong emotion, which may be a good thing for an overly emotional person. Regardless.
This morning I went to church, though. Not expecting much, but I did open my heart the best I knew how, praying for God to touch me and do something, anything at all. I just needed to feel Him today.
Once again, He is a faithful god.
Before I left, Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns came on Pandora:
The voice of Truth says, "do not be afraid"
and the voice of Truth says, "this is for My Glory."
Out of all the voices calling out to me,
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth
Then at church, we sang Our God is Greater by Chris Tomlin
Into the darkness You shine
out of the ashes we rise.
There's no one like You, none like You.
Our God is greater, Our God is stronger
God you are higher than any other.
Our God is healer, Awesome in power...
And if our god is for us, than who could ever stop us?
And if our god is with us, than what could stand against?
Then we sang Believe by Hillsong:
You are my light, You are my strength
You are my rock, on You I stand...
In Christ forever I stand.
I will believe You are strong enough
In my weakness, God be lifted up.
And I will sing, lift Your praises high
Lord be magnified, You make all things new
I will believe.
If I didn't know His voice before, I'd know it now.
He is so much bigger than this. He turned water into wine? He created the heavens and the earth, and everything on it? He flooded the world and destroyed every living thing save Noah's group? He sent His son to be crucified and save our souls from eternal condemnation and allow us the opportunity to have a relationship with Him?
Psh. $6,500 is nothing.
The best I can summarize what I consider the next part of God's conversation with me is... I've been praying for a while now. I want to be closer and I want to have a stronger relationship. My heart does long for His touch, I just can't make myself get to a place where I'm so open and dependent. And, well, this takes me to a place where I have no other option but to depend on Him and trust He is faithful. It also will give me the opportunity to see Him conduct a little miracle in my life. I'll be watching Him with my eyes fixed to see what is going on, where I need to go for this provision. I'll be paying more attention, perhaps catch more of His humor, know more than wisdom but the personality of the Lord. Hmm.
The next couple years will be a challenge, to be sure. But after today... I'm not exactly dreading it. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to draw closer and learn. To see the little miracles God will do for me.
I suppose in this challenge is my biggest blessing.
Well, this past week has been one for the books. The quirks were actually a few little things while the bulk was just... unkind. And just when I thought it was getting a little better, life slapped me in the face.
Last year, Dad had his (second) open heart surgery. Didn't work for the better part of a year. He had to cash in his life insurance and Mom had to work summer school just to pay the bills. However, in the eyesight of a twisted system, we somehow miraculously had a substantially higher income and the school decided I am no longer in need of assistance and put me at the bottom of the list for grants and scholarships. They have cut my funding/financial aid next year by over $6,500, which I'll have to somehow come up with just to attend UNF next year. Mind you, this does not include the price of gas, food, parking permit, or any other random surprises life likes to throw my way.
Yep.
I will be working a lot this summer, or trying to, as well as looking for a job for next year while I write my honors thesis, conduct experiments, and continue to attempt being a straight-A student. T'will be fun.
And a challenge for sure.
Needless to say, this has brought me down the past few days. No, I don't doubt God will provide if my being here is His will. He's a faithful god. It has just left me feeling a little empty and with a serious lack of energy or care. Nothing seems to have much meaning, at least not enough to provoke any strong emotion, which may be a good thing for an overly emotional person. Regardless.
This morning I went to church, though. Not expecting much, but I did open my heart the best I knew how, praying for God to touch me and do something, anything at all. I just needed to feel Him today.
Once again, He is a faithful god.
Before I left, Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns came on Pandora:
The voice of Truth says, "do not be afraid"
and the voice of Truth says, "this is for My Glory."
Out of all the voices calling out to me,
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth
Then at church, we sang Our God is Greater by Chris Tomlin
Into the darkness You shine
out of the ashes we rise.
There's no one like You, none like You.
Our God is greater, Our God is stronger
God you are higher than any other.
Our God is healer, Awesome in power...
And if our god is for us, than who could ever stop us?
And if our god is with us, than what could stand against?
Then we sang Believe by Hillsong:
You are my light, You are my strength
You are my rock, on You I stand...
In Christ forever I stand.
I will believe You are strong enough
In my weakness, God be lifted up.
And I will sing, lift Your praises high
Lord be magnified, You make all things new
I will believe.
If I didn't know His voice before, I'd know it now.
He is so much bigger than this. He turned water into wine? He created the heavens and the earth, and everything on it? He flooded the world and destroyed every living thing save Noah's group? He sent His son to be crucified and save our souls from eternal condemnation and allow us the opportunity to have a relationship with Him?
Psh. $6,500 is nothing.
The best I can summarize what I consider the next part of God's conversation with me is... I've been praying for a while now. I want to be closer and I want to have a stronger relationship. My heart does long for His touch, I just can't make myself get to a place where I'm so open and dependent. And, well, this takes me to a place where I have no other option but to depend on Him and trust He is faithful. It also will give me the opportunity to see Him conduct a little miracle in my life. I'll be watching Him with my eyes fixed to see what is going on, where I need to go for this provision. I'll be paying more attention, perhaps catch more of His humor, know more than wisdom but the personality of the Lord. Hmm.
The next couple years will be a challenge, to be sure. But after today... I'm not exactly dreading it. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to draw closer and learn. To see the little miracles God will do for me.
I suppose in this challenge is my biggest blessing.
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