Consistently Inconsistent

People.
Amazing.


Christ tells us if the world hates us, keep in mind that it hated him first (John 15:18) and that we will be hated by all nations because of him (Matthew 24:9).

People are surprisingly consistent in their inconsistency.

I was reading in the book of Luke. In one chapter, the people went from listening to him read scriptures, proclaiming the fulfillment of promises in Isaiah and they worshiped him to being angry and driving him from town to throw him off a cliff (Luke 4:22, 28-29).

I had never read that story before. I knew of the many persecutions with which Jesus was faced, but never that the people drove him to a cliff. Even more amazing was that they had just verses before been "speaking well of him and were amazed at his gracious words (v 22)! 

It still happens today, really. It reminds me of particular events in high school. I had been saved for not quite a year when a friend approached me to help him find scriptures and help him get life on track and have faith. I did, of course. I helped him be accountable and remember his Bible and whatnot. Then only a month later, he spread word to everybody I had previously known in middle school (they went to a different high school) that I became a pushy hypocritical Christian who forced religion down others' throat. I was rather shocked to say the least, considering he had come to me. I lost many friendships. There was another incident where a friend basically did the same thing, coming up to me and asking for an accountability partner and someone to take him to church and whatnot. I did. I continued to be there as a sister in Christ, but for whatever reason, he walked away, returning years later to tell me he thought I was a judgmental... unkind noun. 

One day, people want to Christ and his grace and love and mercy. Sadly, once they begin receiving it and life "looks up" a little, suddenly religion becomes taboo. 

To some extent, even we Christians do that. Perhaps not deny Christ all together. Not outright. Not exactly. However, in our actions and in our sin, we set him aside and do what we know is wrong. We are guilty. And when we face those consequences (unfortunately, this is the only time many of us come to him) we will turn back and confess our oopsies, begging for forgiveness again. 

I am so guilty of this. I so often just want to look the other way because it's easier, because it's like God is telling me something I just don't want to hear so I say, "no way!" Then, of course, realize I need him and should have listened in the first place.

I guess it's just our nature.

This is just a profound revelation to me. To see the consistencies. There has to be something inside us guiding us. It has to be our nature. It couldn't be anything else. Sin does not stand alone, but comes as part of us. 

Thank you, God. Thank you that you forgive us for that which is innate.

The love of most will grow cold...

There is so much wickedness in the world. All around the world our Christian brothers and sisters are being prosecuted and murdered for their faith. There is so much rape, murder, war, hatred, vengeance, anger, slander, gossip, lies... So much evil in so many forms. It's so disheartening sometimes.

Sometimes it is hard to love people when you see them engage in these ungodly acts over,
and over,
and over,
and over again.


I have tried to trust people and been terribly betrayed. I have seen people hurt other people in absolutely insane ways. I have met people who genuinely act to hurt someone. I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt, so to speak.

I honestly have thought many times, nobody can be that mean; nobody could actually want to hurt another person like that. If I just explain to them why they are hurting me, they'll at least try to stop acting that way. It's all a miscommunication, a misunderstanding. 
Then they prove me wrong. I tell them it really hurts when they _____. And guess what? They do it more! People have surprised me (negatively) in so many ways.

Despite the ugly insanity of the heart of so many people, I do still love them. My love has not grown cold, though innumerable opportunities to do so have I faced. Sometimes I wander from it and my anger toward humanity is strong, I'll admit. Fortunately, at the end of the day, I still have faith and I still have hope that God is all powerful and in control. He will work all things for the good. In those times, greatness can be born. Either way, we are all sinners; we are all lost; we all need forgiveness and love and mercy and kindness. Who am I to withhold any of those things when I myself need them every moment of my life?

I just pray I stay this way, and grow in that path even further than I stand today.

I pray to stand firm to the end.


"Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved." -Matthew 24:12-13

Trust Issues

The Hebrews were awful about trusting God. He sent plagues and parted seas and freed them from slavery, yet they built calves and idols to worship and lead them. Today we do not look to golden calves for salvation. No, we find other outlets. Alcohol, shopping, television, long work weeks, overly school focused (at least, that's mine).

God has earned my trust through the great things he has done for me. Even without considering the cross (although without a doubt that's the greatest grace ever to be received), I can just look at my life and see from what I've been saved.

My father was an alcoholic and drug addict. My mother was a jealous and accusatory person. My sister developed an insanely emotional complex. The first memory I have of my life is my father trying to murder my mother in an alcoholic rage, then my mother packing our bags to leave him. He came back the next morning while my grandmother was on her way to pick us up. He was clean, and has never touched an alcoholic beverage or drug since that night. God stepped in and revealed himself just in time to save my father and give me an amazing life. I grew up with a supportive, stable family that loved me beyond words. I can't imagine having a better life, all things considered. My dad turned into the most influential, encouraging, Godly, and spiritually directive person in my life. Yes, there are rough patches and things that have hurt me and led me to develop weirdities. That's everyone though.

The point is... God has earned my trust throughout my life, revealing himself in insane ways. He has told me that he has wonderful and beautiful plans for me. That I truly have a purpose, though I haven't a clue what it is. I don't know how to get there, yet for some reason I forget to look to the one who has made those plans for me. I matter somehow, and only He can tell me how; only He can give me purpose and meaning.

My grades aren't everything. A job isn't everything. Getting married isn't everything. Nothing can give me meaning but Christ alone.

I am missing the journey.

But Lord, what can I do?

There is so much power in the name of Jesus. So much that the cripple may walk and the blind see. That in one moment, in one sentence said in the name of Christ, the fabrics of reality as we see are torn and the impossible becomes possible.

We have been given so much strength and power because of his sacrifice. With Christ in us, we can do anything! We can be a part of making a miracle happen! I can be a part of the story.

So why am I not?

I don't know how. If I could hurt with the hurting, if I could heal them, if I could only feed those who need it or reach out a hand to lift a lame man from the ground... I guess I can in Christ's name. It sounds beautiful. But really... how?

The world is crazy. Seriously. You don't know who is really broken and poor on the street. Who is really hurting? Who is taking advantage of kindness? How can you tell? Maybe it doesn't matter. But I want to love them. I want to offer them something.

God, I can! I am able to. I don't need money or resources or connections. The apostles saw a man and said, "Silver and gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk."

They didn't have anything more to give but Christ himself and his power.
And it was enough! It was more than enough! 


So why am I still scared? Why do I still feel like I have nothing to offer when the power of the universe lives in my heart?

What am I going to do about it?

Lord, give me strength.

Lent. Day 1.

My personal goal for lent, I have decided, is to read my daily scriptures and devotional then to write in response, to speak to God and let words flow. I figured that to make myself more accountable I should publicly display my thoughts. Or if they become too personal, I will at least post that I did in fact write. So here is day 1.


Trust God, not stuff.

There are so many things I turn away to follow, things into which I put my trust. They are not God, but I treat them as if they were the god of my life.
 I make time for everybody and everything else, but not the maker of the universe, the master of my heart, the tamer of seas, the giver of life.
 I talk to friends and family and all these things, yet so rarely sit down to greet my savior.
 I work for grades and for status; to make people smile and laugh; to make my parents proud; to be worthy of human affection; to assure success in my future career goals; but not to enhance my relationship with the only One who really loves me.


Many people worship money or a variety of other things. While money is nice and I wouldn't mind having more of it, that is less my goal. I seek to validate myself in the approval and affection of man, not through monetary wealth but through emotional wealth. I truly desire to make a positive difference in the world of those around me. However, I seek the glory to be my own. I sometimes forget to do good for the glory of God. Any strength I have to "do the right thing" or to show love to others is by Grace alone. I am selfish and messed up; God perfects the imperfect. In my weakness, He is strong.

I trust other things, things that fade and don't fill my soul. I trust in myself. I need to redirect my eyes to the Lord and not forget that I am nothing without his love. His love is enough.


"Let it all out; get it all out; rip it out; remove it. Don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed. We're so scared to find out what this life's all about; so scared we're gonna lose it and knowing all along that's exactly what we need... Today I will trust You with the confidence of a man whose never known defeat and try my best to just forget that that man isn't me... Reach out to me; make my heart brand new. Every beat will be for You." -Let It All Out by Relient K