Genesis: Part 1

I've decided to begin a new endeavor. I realized a very strong, deep desire to know and understand the old testament stories. Therefore, I have set my goal to read and deeply study a few chapters each evening until I complete the old testament, and most likely continue into the new testament as well. Why not?

Tonight I began with Genesis chapters 1-3. Here are some thoughts:

In chapter one, I realized I basically am surprised every time I read creation. I always forget what God created on which days. Sadness. It's fascinating, though.

Chapter two involved a few more thoughts.

• "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Gen 2:18) Then God brought all the animals to Adam to be named, but God and Adam (seemingly) together concluded that "for Adam, no suitable helper was found" (Gen 2:20) so he created woman.... We as one sex/gender are not meant to be alone. We aren't enough. God knew from the beginning that there were to be differences between man and woman, and we cannot do it alone. Our personhood/gender roles were going to be different, both important, to support one another. Therefore, we cannot condemn the other gender/sex for their personality differences. Woman is compliment man; Man is to compliment woman. Yes, womens brains are physiologically designed to function differently. That wasn't an accident. We are naturally more emotional and our natural hormonal balance reflects that, as well as our brain development and functionality. This science clearly coincides with the way God created a woman to help a man. This also adds to the idea of heterosexual relationships. Man and woman play different roles. To keep this slightly less controversial, I would like to point out that even in homosexual relationships, each partner takes on the opposite gender role. There is a manly partner and a womanly partner-- gender differences despite sex similarities (this was a slightly less developed thought).
• Going off the same scripture (Gen 2:20), God brought all livestock to Adam to be named, THEN because they alone were not enough, God created a suitable companion. I know for my dad and many other people in the world including myself at times like to believe we would be much happier alone, out in the wilderness, without social complications and frustrations. We are annoyed with people and don't want to deal with them. I know for my father and I both, at least, we like to say/believe that without the distractions of social chaos and annoyances we would be much more able to focus on God and that relationship. We feel more in tuned. I think that is very, very true and that's because God designed us in the Garden, to be a part of nature and its beauty. However, that alone is not enough. That's why God created companionship. We need to spend our lives with someone else, in whatever form. Both are equally important-- being in tune with nature as well as with people. 
• Finally, I'd like to point out the language used by Adam to express the name of woman. At this point, when he first sees her, he adores her and recognizes that she is part of him. "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." He isn't resentful that she exists because a part of him was removed. He doesn't acknowledge her as a second entity entirely. He says she is part of his bones and flesh. He knows that connection and when I imagine these words spoken, I can't hear anything but a totally engulfing adoration and love for her. He acknowledges that they are one, which the chapter next points out that this adoration leads to man leaving his father and mother to be united as one with his wife. It's amazing how complicated we make things. God made it so simple. We love, we marry. Hmm. This is weird, but it makes me smile to imagine that intense love Adam must have had in his being when he first saw Eve.

Chapter 3 includes the original sin and the curses set upon us because of it. Unfortunately, I'll finish this post later when I can refocus. (Just in case anybody reads this before I get back to it)

How are you?

Generally speaking, before I post a new blog I always go through and read previous postings. So, to post my most recent thoughts I noticed will make me sound quite wishy-washy. But oh well.

When someone asks, "how are you?" or even, "how was your day?" How do you respond? "Good. You(rs)?" Probably. Why are people so quick to claim goodness as their state of being? Often times, they are quite not okay much less "good."
 Perhaps to follow etiquette. That's just the way the conversation works, why question it? most would probably say. Just follow the status quo. Be good! That's what the other person wants to hear.
 Or perhaps deep down, they know that the reason everybody says a simple, one-word, positive answer is because the inquirer doesn't really care for the response. They're simply being polite in asking. Why tell someone how you're really feeling when they don't care to hear more than a one-word reply anyway?
 Or maybe, subconsciously, they realize that, God forbid, life really is good.


The way I see people, including myself, is that we are perfect in our imperfections. Granted, in Corinthians Paul states "when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears". Yes, of course, but not quite what I'm talking about exactly.
 My theory about why I am able to love others is simply that it is in our imperfections, our quirks and mistakes, personality flaws, call it what you will, we are who we are. Perfect. Sounds contradicting, considering the definition of perfection is flawless, without defect. And yes we should always try to be better, but when we look at another person... we should see them not as disastrously flawed. How can you love such? No. We have to look at them with a more positive outlook and love them for every part of who their being-- strengths and weaknesses, charms and quirks. We must use positive illusions in our relationships.


Oops.
I almost forgot my original point.

Days are like people. They have their ups and downs, highs and lows; they have their quirks. But at the end of the day, we are alive, blessed, and loved. Yes. We are "good". For example: today. I did great at my poster presentation. I met some awesome new people.  I impressed my mentor/supervisor. I ate a delicious lunch. Timing on everything was perfect. Then it ended with a fantastic evening with a very dear friend, where we fixed some old mix-ups and cooked/ate dinner together. It was great. However, I was also quite ill all day. I sounded nasal-y every time I spoke. I coughed and sniffled all day, so I had a sore throat and a crap-ton of used tissues. My feet hurt from wearing heels. And I'm completely and utterly exhausted beyond words, yet still cannot sleep due to my sickness-- which the doctor insisted I only needed to take some Tylenol and it would go away, despite that I'm coughing up green gunk (a sign of infection).
Overall... they're minor negativities. I'm sick. Yuck. So what? It was just a quirk of the day. Sickness didn't ruin pleasantry. So... yes. My day was good.

Likewise, life is like days. Afterall, life is simply the sum of days. If each day, or nearly each day, we conclude our blessings outweigh our negative quirks, then doesn't that mean that "we" are good?

I think so.

Maybe, just maybe, that's the reason why we automatically respond as we do. If not.. maybe it should be.



Conclusion: You don't have to break etiquette when asked, but when you say "i'm good" or "my day was good", consider two things. Was it really good? But more importantly, consider "why was it good?" Trust me. 90% of the time, the good did outweigh the bad.

Solution

I have been a mess for quite some time. I haven't been myself.
I've been pessimistic. I've been anxious. I've been depressed.
I've been weak.
I've been very not ok.

Why?

 I have tried to be somebody I am not, thus resulting in side-effects that, imagine that, aren't me either.

I am an introvert. I was born that way. It's just who I am. I can't make small talk well, nor do I particularly like it. Things must have meaning. A goal. There are set steps. And it's not that I couldn't do these things... If God needed me to, He'd give me the strength, endurance-- no doubts. I could make friends and deal with and love anybody he puts in my path (only with his grace, of course). However, I am who I am. I was born this way and he says he loves me just the way he made me. I'm beautiful and loved.
So why do I keep trying to be somebody else for you? Other people?

If I'm meant to have companionship in this moment, to have a shoulder to cry on or ear to listen, God will send a perfectly timed phone call or surprise run-in on campus. Those are always the best arrangements anyway. I don't need to change who I am or what I do or how I act or speak. I'm just going to be me and let that be enough. It's enough for God and it will be enough for anybody he provides me with in any moment.

I'm tired of trying. It doesn't get me anywhere.
The best friendships are spontaneous. They just happen. God tosses them in the mix to get us through. I want him to be in control of those things. I don't want to pretend to be a person he did not create me to be just to make friends with people he did not design me to be compatible.

Trying to do things on my own only results in very bad neurotic episodes, which unfortunately is the only side of "me" others have met the last few months. It's who I am to them now. I wish I had not stepped outside of trusting God's provision; I've only made things more difficult. But, God is God and controls all of that so it's ok. He knows what he's doing. I cannot screw things up beyond his ability to fix. I just have to stop coming up with my own solution.

I break things.
I fix them with duct tape.
Christ fixed them with nails.
It's a much more sufficient solution.

God will always provide.
I just have to be me.
And trust him.
Amen.