He chose that I would be holy, that I would be his blameless and beautiful daughter. Not only did he choose me, but he did it with pleasure! He knew that would say and do the wrong things, that I would sin and mess up my life. And I have. In my relationships, in my friendships, in my daily walks around campus, in the glances of strangers in an elevator-- I have not shown mercy or love or grace. I have defiled the temple God has created in me. I have cursed his name. I have broken the hearts of those he put in my life to guide. I have pursued temporary and unholy feelings. I have failed to see the beauty in every day he has created for me. There is so much good I have forgotten or chosen not to do, so many callings I have pretended not to hear, so many opportunities to save that I have lost.
And yet...
God chose me before the he created anything else to be like him. He decided that he loved me and desired me to be a display of his holiness. He orchestrated this unbelievable plan, giving up the One he loves to be persecuted and beaten, bruised, and killed so that I could be blameless; so that he could love me. He did it with pleasure; he freely extended a hand of extreme grace that I might be redeemed and everything I have messed up be forgotten! That all the times I knew the right thing to do and didn't do it, all the times I allowed my body to be misused, all the times I let my emotions get the best of me-- all the times I sinned, he can forget and say, "you are beautiful, my darling. There is no flaw in you" (Song of Songs 4:7).
He lavished his riches upon us. Not just offered or held out a hand, but "bestowed profusely" as per the definition-- with no contempt or expectation, but with pure love and affection. He lavished us in his riches. His riches!The riches greater than heaven and earth! The riches of the King. The riches of God. He poured out these things profusely out of undying love for our souls.
Yes!
And to me, the most amazing part of this entire revelation is the last part of this last verse: with all wisdom and understanding.
He knew all along, since before the earth was formed, that I would fall short, leave him, walk away, spit in his face with my lifestyle. He always knew. With all wisdom and with all understanding of every shortcoming, he lavished me in every richness in the universe, in everything that is his.
He loves me that much.
It was never about being perfect, nor about never straying from his light. It's about returning every time. He knows and he understands that I can never be holy in my ways, he knows that I can never be perfect. But he still thinks I'm beautiful and wants me back so that he can continue to redeem the mistakes and see me as his blameless daughter because he loves me.
I have so much guilt over so many things, and I have struggled for so long about accepting forgiveness for messing up. It has really kept me from experiencing the grace. Truth be told, I still don't think I'm quite there. However, I'm beginning to see that God knew and understood from the beginning of time that I was going to mess up -- he knew just how many times and how often and everything -- but yet it was always his plan to see me as his forgiven, holy and flawless daughter.
How could I turn down a love so great?
