Honesty

I have done a lot of thinking today because I'm feeling very distraught from the epitome of cognitive dissonance, if you will. I don't like talking about specific situations on a published blog. I prefer it be simple and thought-provoking unless the story really adds to the meaning. In this case, the situation leading me to think so deeply is less important than the thoughts to which it has led.

I think something people tend to believe/feel --be it due to society or television or friends or advise-givers, I don't know where it originates-- that when somebody calls you out on something, the only chance you have of surviving is to lie. Like, "if I confess that his/her concern is legitimate, it will be over instantly. At least if I lie, I have a chance of getting through it."

It really is an interesting idea
to choose to become something you are not
to express feelings you do not have
to state events that have not occurred
all in order to "keep peace."
To me, it is a perfect display of cowardice.

If anybody has followed my writings for any period of time, I am convinced he or she would notice my lack of mainstream conceptualizations.

I see things much different;
or perhaps I am one of few who will express thoughts honestly.

Regardless, I am about to do it again. 

As usual, this is MY VIEW.
My view from the depth of my heart in the most honest words I could possibly express in this exact moment (i.e., one day it might change when I gain more understanding and wisdom).

Lying is the most repulsive, pointless, and excruciatingly disturbing thing a person can do to somebody they care about.

Period.

When somebody points out a concern or a realization or asks a question,
the instant thought should not be
        "lying is my only chance"
but rather
        "being honest is my only chance."

There have been multiple people in my past that I have been very close to, strong emotional bond, immense trust... and when something came up, when I voiced a concern, they either played dumb or straight up lied.

I give people the benefit of the doubt and give everybody a chance.
I always will -- and perhaps that's my flaw.

The problem is nobody seems to think the way I do and it always puts me in bad situations.
Honesty is so important.

I would go so far as to forgive somebody for cheating on me if only they were honest.
"Honey, I have been interested in talking to this other person and said some things I shouldn't have said to both of you at the same time. But I want to be with you, it's over with her, please forgive me."

Sure, it will be a challenge, but I would forgive it.
We would move on.

But if I was to find out about it through other means, to find out somebody had a lapse of reason and kissed another girl, or told her he was considering her as more than friends and confront him about it--
lying to me will hands-down, without a doubt be the exact moment our relationship ends. 

We won't be together.
We won't be friends.
We won't recover from hostility and resentment.

And, to add an even more personal element to this confession, every time these situations come up is when I've decided to take a chance in overcoming bitterness/fear/cynicism. It is one of the most depressing things I have ever experienced: to take a chance in trusting someone who seems sure of what they want but turns out having no idea until it is too late.
Sure, I can respect the fear that might lead to lying sounding like a good idea...
but just don't.
Don't.
Do not.
It will kill everything in the end.



"I can always find someone to say they sympathize
if I wear my heart out on my sleeve.
But I don't want some pretty face to tell me pretty lies.
All I want is someone to believe.
Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard,
and mostly what I need from you."
Honesty -- Billy Joel