Busyness.

Work today was, well... a lot of work. Usually my job is pretty laid back. However, some things went wrong today and things started going really fast to try to catch up. I made about 3,000 copies and was running around for hours. Making telephone calls, running errands, making copies, putting things together... It was a very fast-pace, high-strung kind of day.
And I really liked it.

I had forgotten how busy I used to be. See, I am busy now most of the time. However, it's not fast pace kind of stuff. I have long, extended periods of stress. I work great under stress. When I have a ton to do, where I can see progress, see the boxes of copies I am making and running around talking and being in control... it feels wonderful!


So I started wondering why it is that I feel so fantastic after such a long, intense day. I think it's because I feel accomplished, but more importantly I feel important. I feel like what I am doing is making a difference, and I'm doing a lot. I'm productive and active doing stuff that is necessary. My role in the situation is vital to a system. And, the best part, I get to help people! I could do things haphazardly and just finish a job, put it in the professor's mailbox, and move on. Instead, I run the copies, take it to their office so they don't have to walk over, and even get their paperwork done in less than half the time they request. I am proficient.

Maybe that's what God wants. Maybe, despite how much stuff I do, I need to do more. Maybe it's because that stuff I am busy with now isn't enough... I need to see the difference it is making, at least in some part of my life. Volunteering at a homeless shelter or a food kitchen, or even working in a place that takes the stress off someone else's life. Something. I want to make a difference, and I can't just watch these years of my life go by while I just write papers. I need to start making that change in the world now, even before I have my degree. There are always ways.

I need to work for God.
Not because he requires it, but because I want to and because my soul is not satisfied until I do.