A Comfortable Death.

Last night's reading was on an unfailing love. Tonight's focused on perfect love. I guess I was ahead.

So, instead of responding to my devotional reading, I am going to write what is on my heart and has been building the past few classes.

In my death and dying class, we are talking about bereavement, grief, and mourning. We also discussed a "comfortable companion" (which I'll define shortly) and I recently read the assigned book The Death of Ivan Ilyich. When a person is dying, they often face a loss of bodily control and disorientation which leads to others being uncomfortable and avoiding him/her. The top most common fear among dying individuals is fear of abandonment! I can see why. It's so common for people to die socially long before dying physically. A "comfortable companion" is a person who is comfortable with death and cares about the dying individual. They are the people who will hold a dying person's hand and tell him/her "it's ok" and listen, to ignore the smell and the slow speech, to have patience, to help the person move from one piece of furniture to another. It is the person who understands you are dying and just wants to be there for you in the end.

It is hard to find a comfortable companion. Why? Because death makes us terribly uncomfortable. We aren't sure how to respond when a person is partially lost within their thoughts because they're disoriented. We are taken back by the smell of a person who has lost control of bowels or simply smells of dying (c'mon, most of us know the smell). We don't know what to do, so we just avoid the situation. We assume somebody else will take care of their needs, and we can just look the other way.

I was considering... I am not afraid of death. I am, however, afraid of dying alone. My mother and I agree that everybody is afraid of this on some level. Statistics, as I already said earlier, show the top fear is of abandonment. Dying is the most intense, innate fear in us. Seriously, nature desires to live. Nobody wants to face the biggest thing in life alone.

So... if nobody wants to die alone, but dying people make us uncomfortable and we avoid them, what happens?
People die scared and abandoned, alone.


Gerasim tells Ivan Ilyich, why shouldn't he help a dying man, what truly is he losing? I agree.

Why aren't we willing to sacrifice a few months of our lives being inconvenienced in whatever way in order to hold a dying person's hand through the process? Put aside our discomfort and our own fear so that we can help someone else through their fears. That's love!


[[Might I insert, Jesus overcame death. In our death, we are with him and therefore never truly die alone. However, why can't he be holding a person's hand through us? Maybe we are meant to be that person embodying Christ's loving caress through the transition.]]

So this brings me to the fact that I don't believe my heart has ever broken for a population more than for these dying individuals whose families have basically looked away or gotten lost in their own discomfort and frustrations.

It's funny because less than a year ago I was so uncomfortable around elderly individuals and had to force myself to engage in an opportunity to spend several days out of a week with them. And now, I'm wondering if perhaps God is calling me to hold tender elderly hands while they pass into the next life.

God, what are you doing?

I don't know, but I'm really excited to find out.

Break my heart. Do what it takes. Bring Your love to life inside of me.

I'm ready.