Worlds Apart

"To turn away and not become another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears of a world embracing every heartache.
Can I be the one to sacrifice, or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow?
I look beyond the empty cross forgetting what my life has cost and wipe away the crimson stains and dull the nails that still remain.

What I need and what I believe are worlds apart.”

Wow.

This is my confession, but I find it true for general humanity and thus will write it as so.

We fall on our knees with a heart torn and broken from situations brought on by our own sinful desires.

God, I'm hurting so much, please save me. Please comfort me. I need you!

(Yes. That's my pathetic plea to God when I get lost and find myself with a "sin-soaked heart.")

In those moments, of course we need God. We need His love. His forgiveness. His grace. We have essentially hurt ourselves and in doing so, hurt the heart of God. We're His children and when we hurt, He hurts with us. 

We look to the cross when we find ourselves broken, but when by God's grace we find ourselves whole again...

… then where do we go?

...YouTube?

...Facebook?

...shopping? 

...a friend's house?

We forget what our lives have cost. We forget that God bought us. Every piece. Our hearts, our minds, our souls. Our past, our present, our futures. They all belong to Him. Why do we take them back? Why do we give them to internet sites, to the media, to a store, to another person? We run away from God in those moments after being healed and we forget that the nails are still in his hands. We "wipe away the crimson stains and dull the nails that still remain." We forget the gravity of what God just did for us! 

"I'm ok now. I can do this alone again, thanks God!" 

Then go on to act in disobedience, in sin that leads us inevitably back to Him with our hearts broken once again! How much better would it be if we let God break our hearts and make it pure rather than put our trust in mortal men who cannot save (Psalm 146:3)? 

I’d like to be the one to sacrifice my desires for things of this world. Truly. But instead I far too often find myself gripping the spear. Alas, Paul spoke the truth: what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do (Romans 7:15).